I WILL NOT COMPLY, SIR.

Well, here i am.
stuck in yet another limbo.
No, i dont love him. but i did, at one time.
will those feelings come up?
YES. i believe they will.
but Fuck.
im going to get hurt anyways.
so why cant i get hurt with a little bit of sexy fun involved instead of just boring old hurt?
and who knows, maybe we can just be friends with benifits.
i feel sexual tension anyways, why not act on it?
we have our whole lives to act like adults and have relationships and love.
why cant we be sexy, horny, adventureous teenagers NOW, while we are all of those things?
Hurt comes along with love. Thats how it is.
i accept it.
but i want sex with it too.
i want to live in the moment.
im tired of living in the near future.
waiting for him to come home, waiting to be hurt, waiting for a new boy.
WAITING.
is that all that my life has come to?
i want ADVENTURE.
i want to go out and live underneath a waterfall, i want to go meet a horse and become its friend.
i want to build a treehouse, teach someone to bellydance, ride in a fire truck.
dance with fire.
I WANT TO LIVE.
and how can one live if shes stuck in limbo with parents who wont let her go, and an ex-boyfriend who is an awesome person, but an extremely moral one too?
there are times when i feel almost trapped.
trapped in this dumb world.
if only we could live in a world where nudity was accepted, and people acted on instinct, not on BRAIN.
where i could go swim in the lake instead of wading in it, just because some people died a few days ago.
come on.
people can die doing anything.
are we going to put restrictions and padding on everything just so people dont get killed?
i hope not.
No.
im getting dreads, im going skinny-dipping, i'll kiss whomever i damn well choose and i will light as many candles as my room will hold.
the real-estate agents dont like the smell of insence?
well they can kiss my ass.
i will continue to rebel.
i wont fit the norm.
i am nothing like any of you.