I was feeling extra morbid one day. ~ ARCHIE COMICS, THE TRUE STORY.

So by this point in the game, Jughead would be so enormously fat that he would not be eating at pops anymore, but sitting in his house sleeping and waiting for TLC to do an obesity special on him.

Ethel would realise that Jughead is a lost, fat cause and would become a lesbian.

she has been chasing men (man) for so long, she has finally given up.

Veronica would finally "exclusively" date Archie, but she would cheat on him often because Archie has nothing to offer the spoiled brat. she would be cheating on him with Reggie, because Reggie is hot and shallow. What a couple they would make.

Betty would still be sweet and cute, but her love for Archie borders on obsession. She would get pregnant from Archie, and get sent away to a convent.

Cheryl Blossom dies. Everyone wants to kill her for being such a pretty slut, and she dies from an STD. Go figure.

Reggie also dies, because no one can take that much abuse from a 500 pound muscle man without death becoming a factor. He never loved anyone but himself, so sad.

Midge and Moose have an abuse relationship, but Midge ends it because she is a strong woman who gets by on her own. Moose ends up becoming a football star, but gets kicked out for being on 'Roids. He dies of a drug overdose.

Pop gets old, but he finds a woman when he is 70 named Ma. they had 2 kids (somehow),

Named Jo-Beth and Cleatus.

Josie makes it big doing a solo album, where she writes songs about blow jobs and coke.

Melody drops out of Riverdale high, and goes to a special school for the other retards.

Valerie finds a boyfriend, and they fall in love. They move to Mexico, buy a cat and live happily ever after.

Archie has enough problems as it is, so we wont go into detail with him.

Mr Lodge dies from a heart attack after he catches Veronica and Archie doing it.

Mr Weatherbee finally snaps and becomes known as the "Raunchy Riverdale Rapist."

the other faculty members (Mrs Grundy, Prof.Fluesnoot and that freaky lunch lady) help him out with this.

The Janitor, Mr Svenson, gets deported.

Smithers continues to work for Veronica Lodge.

The Jalopy is still around, but no one drives it because they don't have jobs due to the recession, and gas costs too much.