When i sit here and read things, and think about who i was,
who i am and who i will be, i weep.
i dont cry for any specific reason, either.
i feel it my nose always first.
like a stinging, that doesn't actually hurt me.
and my chest gets heavy.
my breathing shortens.
i try to hold it back...
but sometimes big crocodile tears still seem to find their way down my cheeks.
im not sad.
i am definetley happy!
the days are long, my friends are great, i know i have the ability to love.
my life is exactly where i wanted it to be at this time... minus and plus a few things.
but sometimes, you just have to cry.
it was nice being in love.
i used to believe that i would never be able to fall in love, because a lot of my friends had already had boyfriends that they held hands with and kissed.
but i hadn't.
i really thought that i was born without that trait, which would have been just dreadful.
now i know that i do have it, maybe i have a little too much of it.
but i have it all the same, and i will always try my hardest to give love to those who need it.
Now that i've had love, i cry with happiness.
i cry because i am so happy that someone in the world wanted to make me love them as strongly as i did. Im so happy because i love that i can actually miss someone so much when they are gone.
I cry with happiness because people care about me, and that feels nice.
when I come to school, and my friends accept me, and surround me with their love, it's so wonderful.
i am so greatful for all of you.
I am so happy that you are my circle of friends, the perfect circle of friends for my current stage in life.
But i also cry tears that are salty with lament.
i feel so strongly for people that do not have those great friendships and loves that i have had.
they dont have a loving family, a "beautiful face", or money to spend anywhere on anything.
you dont have to travel across the world to find these people.
they are the weird ones, the smelly ones we come into contact with every day.
I am upset because i do not feel that we have any right in picking people that deserve to belong.
we can not say who would like to join in, and who wouldn't.
would it not matter the world to them anyways?
to be asked to join in on something that they have every right to be at?
im not saying we should all drop everything and be best friends with these people.
but we should not treat them as if they are a practical joke!
as if they can't feel the hate we give them?
isn't there enough hate in the world; do we really have to add to it?
Im not innocent.
i have done things and said things in my life that i shouldn't have.
but i would love to stop.
it doesn't make me feel like anything more than a snob.
which im not, and i know you aren't either.
we all have to learn, we are no better.
So i cry.
i dont mind, crying makes me feel human.
and being human is all i ever wanted to be.
having human feelings like love and pity are a gift.
No comments:
Post a Comment